a happy Jared's birthday to you

I was thinking about my brother today because he called me randomly and I remembered it was his birthday. I told him that I was celebrating his birthday by eating homemade ice cream sitting on the grass in the shade at the farmer's market and he replied, "Well all I can say is... A Happy Jared's Birthday to you!"

Jared, I marvel at all the extraordinary coolness that is you.

I love that you wear cool clothes. You know, the Tick t-shirts, the SPAM t-shirt, the geek.com t-shirts (i love that Amy even has an "i love my geek" t-shirt), and even the rude smart-aleck t-shirts that basically say "you're an idiot and I have to put up with you".

I love that you did cool things with me growing up. Your confidence (or cockiness) made doing things that I normally would have never done so fun. I have so many good memories of childhood, random but good. Ordering things in the drive-thru with either your voice garbling megaphone or your best indian accent are some of my favorite memories of our older childhood years. Going down to disneyland, just the four of us siblings, was the best ever adventure. 19 year old driving, 17 year old navigating, 12 year old (what did John do?), and 9 year old sitting in the backseat scratching out calculations to keep track of our finances. What Father and Mother would allow that? Ours, but really only because they knew we were OK because you were in charge.

I love that you give cool gifts. I remember a birthday when I found a card and a package of markers in my car at the El Dorado Center parking lot after class. I felt extraordinarily special. I still have that cheap unicorn statue you bought me for Christmas, was that Rancho Las Positas? The "boys are stupid, throw rocks at them" shirt was appropriate. Rivers "I might barf" onsie is very cool. My birthday present for this year is beyond my ability to express in words. You have a super-cool-gift-giving gift.

I love that you are actually quite compassionate and really care about me and the rest of the family. I know that doesn't sound cool, but it is. I love that you helped me with my homework even when I asked stupid questions and you grumbled something about how did I get better grades then you did when I certainly wasn't as smart. I love that you helped me fold that ginormous mountain of laundry in Texas when Mom said I couldn't go to my friend's house until it was done and I was crying even though I wouldn't have had a problem if I had done it when she had first asked. I love that you took me to the office at high school to get your conveniently located locker assigned to me. I love that you were the expert on Maryann Management when we were teenagers and young and single. I love that you took me to dinner and a movie and skipped with me in the parking lot on a night that had previously been scheduled for a wedding. And I love that you recently spent a bit of time helping me figure out how to fix my digital video clips from my camera.

I love that you are an engineer and do fabulously cool engineering stuff that I don't understand in the slightest because I am not part of the Fabulously Cool Hulbert Engineers Club and Secret Society like the rest of my siblings.

I love that you have the coolest wife ever. I'm so glad that you married Amy and made her my sister. I can't imagine life Amy-less.

I love that you have cool kids. Any little kindergartener girl that will say "no thank you" to a chocolate chip cookie and eat a raw squash or a lemon peel instead has to be cool, or maybe just weird. And Sam is really cool, too. He makes dinosaur noises and pounds his chest like a gorilla.

I love that you still do cool things. Even though you're, you know, old. Cool things like your composting hobby and your trebuchet and the questionably legal pneumatic item in the barn. The slip and slide is actually the coolest thing you've done this year I think.

And most of all, Jared, I love you. Thank you for being the coolest ever big brother.