return to the blogosphere

So I'm back...
for today at least.

Brian was telling the truth. I have been on some sort of Superhuman Quest to establish something that at least resembles order in our lives. Actually, things aren't that bad. I've just been a little distracted with other stuff. I've been trying to figure out how to do more than everything while deciding what of anything can be set aside (for simplicity's sake) and discovering that in reality I get most of nothing accomplished.

Mom, I have been on my treadmill desk, maybe just not as much as when I'm posting regularly. I'm still on it mostly everyday though. And Dad, I'm doing just fine, nothing's wrong, but you will be sorry you asked...

I've been feeling kind of strange as of late. Probably, just life's changes catching up to me. The quotable conversation of the month went something like this...

Maryann to Brian, "You know those vampire books?"
Brian, "grunt" (I think it was a suspicious noise and meant "yeah, where is this going?")
Maryann, "That vampire guy that everyone is in love with, he can hear people's thoughts."
Brian, Silence.
Maryann, "I'm really glad that nobody can hear my thoughts."
Brian, light chuckle "Why?"
Maryann, "I'm pretty sure I'm psychotic."
Brian, full on laughter (a little too much if you ask me)

I've been feeling a little bit like a stranger to myself. I'm not sure why. I don't think I'm having a midlife crisis, unless I'm going to die at 60. I finally figured it out yesterday. Well, I'm not sure if I figured "it" out but I did figure something out. Lightbulb moment, ya know? I've only been Maryann Taylor for three years and I've only been "Mommy" for less than two. This is roughly 10% of my life. For the other 90% of my life, I've been Maryann Hulbert. No wonder I'm feeling like maybe I'm not exactly sure who I am. I've changed. I'm obviously a lot still the same but becoming a wife and a mother are some pretty big changes. I still like fairy tales like I did when I was a girl, I still wear pig tails like I did in high school, and I have ample opportunity to say things like "That is unacceptable (behavior)." or "Isn't that amazing?" like I did when I was Miss Hulbert the second grade teacher. Even so, life keeps changing and so do I. Change is good. So I guess I've decided to focus on what I want to become and not worry about wondering who I am right now. Pretty deep thoughts, a little too deep...or psychotic, it's all the same.